Waves wandering

Decided today would be as good a day as any to write a post. Been lazy obviously, for the past few days. Had a thought a few days back to write a post on each of my issues and analyze them. Maybe next time.

So it was/has been a decent end of the week. Work got done (kinda), had a decent jamming session. Had an amazon delivery, got new wheels for my surfskate deck (re: new hobby). But as I headed out today, I just had this feeling of meh-ness. Ennui maybe? Not sure what's a good word to describe it. Not happy or contented definitely. Tried to remind myself of the things that had gone right this weekend, but I just brushed those off with a "Yeah, I suppose." I guess, subtly, or rather in the back of my head, the problem is the worry of completing the children's book project that put a damper on the weekend. And I felt guilty that I didn't start on it today like I told myself I would. That's prob it. And prob also the realization at the shop yesterday, that even though I bought so much gear, and try to talk the talk, I'm still a mediocre or worse skater. The issue isn't that I want to be a good skater, it's just that I am reminded of all the things in my life, that I am mediocre at. I am, the jack of all trades.

Must be conscious of adding paragraph breaks. Look at me, trying to come up with topics to write about, thinking of the words to put in. Trying hard to make this work, instead of it... I dunno. Lost my train of thought.

Get something done tomo John. Maybe the dopamine will hit.

Hey friends. Don't you know I'm alive and well.

After a false start just minutes ago, this song from Seven Collar T-shirt convinced me to start typing again. I was stuck at coming up with a title. That I imposed on myself not to be lame and cliche. Also, decided to reuse an old blog, cause I didn't want to come up with a cliche url for a new blog. You can sense a pattern here. Typing it out confirms it.

An understatement to say that a lot has happened since my last blog post. It's 15+ years ago so yeah. Just thought that I've been living life without some sort of bookkeeping, just drifting along. Writing again might do me some good. Put things in perspective. Like the first thought in the first paragraph about cliches. Second paragraph on, I'm glad I started. 

Sentence structure is abit fucked of course. Haven't really properly englished in while. It's quite funny, but to explain to anyone, past, present or future, the world (or maybe just my social circle) has regressed into lolspeak, abbreviations and instant messaging norms, even more since lolspeak first started. It's really quite the norm now. So much so that, it feels too serious/stern if you use proper English. The messaging gets skewed. But nevertheless, I shall use this blog as a tool to get me back on the track of proper English.

After all that rambling, I'm not sure of what else I should pen down. Seems lame to just give a recap of my life so far. Seven Collar T-Shirt does put one in a nice, retrospective mood though.

Edit: Perhaps an important note for the history books. COVID-19 happened.

Fragments

My every word is a mistake.
My every thought a misconception.
My every step snares me.
And my actions undo/betray me.

I need you the most now that I'm lost.
But in my haste I've lost you as well.
Had I known what will become,
Impatience would come undone.

I've lost sight of the world.
The sunsets don't awe me.
Everything pales in comparison.
Since I saw your face.

Come down from where you are

Come down from where you are.
Your cultured ways.
Abstain from your queenly grace.
So I may see your face.

Chasing your beliefs, my
inadequacies.
Sees my fall from grace.
I'm lying on my face/Sorrow that I taste.

I'm breaking myself down.
I try to change my way of thinking.
I'll be a different kind of you.
Just wait and see.

We're not gonna make it

We're not gonna make it.
We were never meant to.
The leap, the cut, the lies you tried.
Seldom satisfies.

We're not gonna make it.
We're not going to.
We're not gonna make it.
We were never meant to.

When you look into her eyes.
Utter lies of assurance.
Do you really know?
Or are you insincere?

The Insider

Softly to myself.
Whispers from within.
Lies that spell your name
Convinces me I'm sane.

Is she not here with me?
Why doesn't she know my name?
We wish they wouldn't be.

Time will never change.
Perhaps we're made the same.
She speaks through my lips.
She sees through my eyes.

Is she not here with me?
Why doesn't she know my name?
We wish they wouldn't be.

Yvette

And I turned away from her.
I simply could not,
let her see the flood/abundance/torrent of tears.
She,
seemed to understand.
Did not leave me,
in anger/despair/sadness.
But enveloped/embraced me,
my back still to her.
And felt the pain/despondency that ran through me,
rather than see it fall from my face.